omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
