Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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