I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I pour the whiskey from now on
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
