We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
My vagina is very pro this idea
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
