And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize