Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
