remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
