I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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