Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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