just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
