I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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