ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
