he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i want to swaddle you in tequila
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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