Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
