Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
