Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
