I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize