I'm going to jail i love you
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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