I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
