You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
