I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
