Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
