So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
