sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
