At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
