he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
