you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I checked into jail on foursquare
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
