you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
if i died would you start the facebook group?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
