chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
