I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
