hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
