how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
