You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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