Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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