does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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