we're blogging at a bar
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
