Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
