tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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