Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
