I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
