***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
