Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
