I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Sober January is a disaster.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
