My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
