i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Green mimosas i think yes
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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