Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
