fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
They have beer where we have blood.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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