i need an iv and a liver transplant
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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