He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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