im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
