I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize