dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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