had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
