I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
