I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
