is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I smell stomach acid.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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