I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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