I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
