At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
