I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
