it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
