I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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