Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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