absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
