I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
