i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Randomize
