I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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