he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I will pee on everything he values.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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