We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
