I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
