Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
