Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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