What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
