Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
