Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
