How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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