It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
