It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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