Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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