Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
