naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Dear god my vagina.
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