If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
