he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize