Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
