How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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