He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
