the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
