and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
