I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
OPIZZABONMYDICK
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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