are you so shy because you have an std?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
