i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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