operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
