Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
