Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
