I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
