got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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