since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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