i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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