Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
