Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
this boner is exhausting
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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