so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
what is it with giant penises always finding me
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
