i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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