this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
