I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
