Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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