I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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