dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
