its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
